Ochoaphobia

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The terror of seeing a fat woman in a tiny bikini who thinks she’s a goddess and you’re the devil.

My cousin’s aunt walked into the pool wearing a bikini that looked like it was stolen from a shrimp. I had to leave the party.

My boss’s wife showed up at the office in a bikini that looked like it was designed by a toddler. I almost quit.

I saw my mom’s best friend in a bikini that was smaller than my lunch. I almost fainted.

When a big woman shows up in a tiny swimsuit and acts like she’s the queen of the beach and you’re just a sad tourist.

My neighbor wore a bikini that looked like it was sewn by a drunk person. She called me a sad human.

At the lake, my cousin’s girlfriend showed up in a bikini that looked like it was from the 80s. She said I needed a life.

My uncle’s wife showed up in a bikini that was smaller than my shoe. She said I needed to stop eating so much.