OCHAMPUS

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The place where your doctor gets paid to ignore you while you’re stuck in a military hospital.

My doctor said I was fine. I had a fever of 105 and a broken leg. Ochampus paid him $500.

I got a $200 bill for a $5 bandage. Ochampus makes doctors rich and patients mad.

They called it a 'medical program.' I called it a scam. Ochampus didn’t care.

A fancy name for the office that makes your medical bills look like a math test you failed.

My medical bill had 27 charges. Ochampus didn’t even know what a charge was.

They charged me for a heart monitor. I didn’t have a heart. Ochampus didn’t care.

I asked for a $5 pill. They gave me a $500 prescription. Ochampus laughed.

The place where your doctor gets a bonus for making you feel like a guinea pig.

They gave me three shots in one day. Ochampus called it a ‘medical procedure.’ I called it torture.

They said I was healthy. I had a broken arm and a fever. Ochampus said I was ‘well enough.’

They tried to charge me for a nap. Ochampus said it was ‘restorative care.’