Oceangated

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A submersible company so bad it thinks crashing into the ocean floor is a feature, not a bug.

I paid $100,000 to go on a vacation and got stuck in a tin can that exploded like a fart.

They promised a luxury trip. I got a headache and a bruised ego.

The only thing that survived the trip was my desire to never speak to my parents again.

A secret recipe for a drink that tastes like regret and expired meat.

I tried it. It made me want to vomit and cry at the same time.

It’s like drinking a burger that was left out in the rain.

I don’t know what’s worse: the taste or the fact I paid for it.

Oceangate is a word that describes everything that goes wrong in one big mess.

I tried to be cool. Now I’m stuck in a deep sea tomb with a bunch of idiots.

The submersible is like a toaster that also punches you.

It’s not a trip. It’s a punishment from God.

When you take a penis and stuff it into an asshole so hard it screams for mercy.

My uncle did it and got a hernia.

It’s like when your mom makes you eat hot dogs for dinner every day.

The guy who did it now walks like he’s got a brick in his pants.

When something gets destroyed in one sudden, unannounced explosion of failure.

My dreams got crushed like a soda can.

It was like when your favorite toy got stepped on by a elephant.

The submersible didn’t just crash. It died.

Why are both definitions from 2019? You already knew this was going to be a disaster.

They didn’t fix it. They just added more problems.

It’s like when you thought you had a plan, but you were wrong.

They’re still trying to sell you a ticket to the apocalypse.