Occult

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Stuff that’s weird, magical, and not for weaklings. It’s like the universe’s secret club, and you gotta be cool enough to get in.

My mom thinks the occult is just a bunch of fake ghosts.

I told my teacher the occult is real, and she said I was ‘disturbed.’

My cousin tried to summon a demon and now he talks to walls.

What’s hiding from you. Like, really hiding. The kind of hiding that makes you question your entire life.

The occult is just my dad’s excuse for not showing up to work.

My sister says the occult is real, and now she won’t eat meat.

My brother thinks the occult is a conspiracy, and he’s right.

Secret knowledge that only the cool people know. The kind of knowledge that makes you rich, or at least makes you look cool.

My friend joined the occult to get cool, and now he has a pet raccoon.

I said the occult was for rich people, and my teacher called me ‘a silly child.’

My mom thinks the occult is just a fancy way of saying ‘mumble-jumble.’

It’s the opposite of ‘normal.’ Like, super normal. The kind of normal that makes you question your whole existence.

My teacher said the occult was ‘fake,’ but I think she’s just jealous.

My brother tried to join the occult and now he screams in the shower.

My friend says the occult is real, and now he thinks his dog is a witch.

It’s like Satanism, but with more magic and fewer people who actually know what they’re doing.

My teacher thinks the occult is just Satanism and ‘a lot of nonsense.’

I tried to join the occult, and now I have a headache and a pet snake.

My friend said the occult was ‘just magic,’ and I told him he was a ‘fool.’

Something you mess with at your own peril. It’s like a monster in a backpack. You don’t wanna let it out.

My brother tried the occult and now he talks to cats.

I told my mom the occult was dangerous, and she said I was ‘a silly child.’

My friend said the occult was ‘just magic,’ and now he’s a wizard.

It’s either Satanism or dog shit. Probably both.

My teacher said the occult was ‘just a bunch of nonsense,’ and I told her she was a ‘fool.’

I joined the occult, and now my dog is a wizard.

My brother tried the occult, and now he thinks his cat is the devil.