Occam's Hairy Dildo

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A rule that says the simplest and hottest explanation is always the best one. It’s like Occam’s Razor, but with more sweat and less brainpower.

Why did the car break down? Because it had a crush on the traffic light.

My dog stopped barking because he saw a naked man.

The internet crashed because a goat started a war.

A theory that says when things go wrong, it’s not because of a complicated problem, it’s because of a complicated problem and a naked guy.

The math test was easy. It just had a naked man on it.

The spaceship exploded because the alien was too sexy.

The president forgot his speech because he was distracted by a chicken.

A rule that says when you can’t figure something out, blame the simplest explanation and the sexiest distraction.

The whole country stopped working because a cow gave a speech.

The moon disappeared because it had a crush on Earth.

The teacher failed the class because he was too busy watching a cat fight.

A law that says you don’t need a complicated reason for something, just the simplest one and the most obvious distraction.

The world ended because a man in a banana suit showed up.

The dog ran away because he saw a hot chicken.

The computer glitched because it had a crush on the printer.

A principle that says the best explanation is the one that’s simple and also the one that makes you want to jump on a couch and scream.

The Earth stopped spinning because it was tired of the sun.

The cat knocked over the vase because it had a crush on the plant.

The president called a meeting because he had a crush on the coffee machine.