obtillion

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a guy who thinks he's the king of the world but can't even tie his shoes

My cousin is an obtillion. He talks about his 'vibes' but can't even make a sandwich.

That guy at the bus stop is an obtillion. He yells at pigeons like they owe him money.

My teacher said I'm an obtillion. I think she just didn't like my hair.

a guy who thinks he's hot but looks like he just woke up from a trash can

My neighbor is an obtillion. He wears sunglasses at 9 a. m. and still smells like pizza.

My brother is an obtillion. He thinks he's a rapper but can't even rhyme.

The guy who asked me out is an obtillion. He had a beard and a mustache. Like, what even is that?

a guy who thinks he's tough but cries when he gets a paper cut

My dad is an obtillion. He says he can beat up anyone but cries when I flick him.

My friend is an obtillion. He tried to be a superhero but got scared by a vacuum cleaner.

That guy at the gym is an obtillion. He flexes like he's in a movie but can't do a push-up.