Observatant

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A person who stares at things like they’re going to explain their life to them, even if they’re clearly too wasted to care.

I’m just here watching this guy spill his drink and still think he’s the king of the room.

She watched the entire fight like it was a Netflix series and she had a subscription.

He stared at the pizza like it was a crime scene and he was the detective.

When you spot something so dumb it’s going to come back to haunt you, and you write it down like it’s a prophecy.

I saw him eat the whole cake and still say it was too small.

She dropped her phone in the toilet and then took a selfie.

He tried to talk to the ceiling like it was his ex.

The first step in being a total observer, like you’re about to take notes on every single thing that happens.

He looked at the traffic like it was a math problem and he had a calculator.

She noticed the guy had three shirts on and still looked like a mess.

He watched the bird like it was giving a speech and he was the audience.

Being observative while drunk, like you’re trying to figure out life but you’ve already failed at basic math.

He was watching the bar like it was a movie and he was the critic.

She looked at the guy who tried to dance with a table and laughed like it was a joke.

He stared at the ceiling like it was his ex and it was still not good enough.

When you're too wasted to think, but you still manage to notice everything that's wrong with the world.

He was so drunk he could barely stand, but he still noticed the guy had a sock on his head.

She was half-drunk and still saw the waiter spill the coffee on the guy.

He was barely awake and still noticed the bird was wearing a hat.