obliviated

I woke up in a park with a hot dog in my hand and a stranger’s hat on my head. I was obliviated.

My cousin drank 12 beers and tried to dance with a statue. He was obliviated.

My dog came home with glitter in his fur and a bottle of vodka. He was obliviated.

The party got so loud the neighbor’s wall fell down. It was obliviated.

My brother tried to open a can of paint with a hammer. The can was obliviated.

The pizza got run over by a car. It was obliviated.

I went to the store, bought 10 bags of chips, and tried to pay with a goat. I was obliviated.

My friend drank rum from a mop bucket and started singing opera. He was obliviated.

I woke up on a park bench with a stranger’s socks on. I was obliviated.

Phineas is the reason I have a headache every Tuesday.

Phineas built a roller coaster out of legos and a microwave. I’m not even mad.

Phineas thinks he’s a genius. He’s not. He’s just loud.

I tried to explain math to my dog. He looked at me like I was obliviated.

My sister thought the sky was a giant soup. She was obliviated.

I asked my mom why the sky is blue. She said, 'Why? Are you obliviated?'

I forgot my own birthday and I was confused why I forgot.

I went to the store, came back with a pizza and a fish. I was obliviated.

I asked my teacher why the sky is blue. She said, 'Why? Are you obliviated?'

David showed up to the party and just sat there. He was boring.

David tried to explain why the sky is blue. No one listened.

David came to the party with a sandwich. He was boring.