oblibidated

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So drunk you can’t tell your pants from your face and you’re screaming at the ceiling like it owes you money.

I woke up in a park wearing a sock and a cheeseburger. I was obliterated.

My friend tried to explain quantum physics while drunk. It was like watching a cat fight a toaster.

She texted me ‘I am not a monster’ at 3 a. m. I believe her. She’s a monster.

So wasted you think your dog is a conspiracy and you’re trying to convince the fridge to take you to the movies.

He tried to wear his pants as a hat. I think he’s obliterated.

She yelled at the microwave for not being romantic. It didn’t work.

I saw him talking to a chair. It was a long conversation.

So drunk you can’t remember your own name and you’re trying to beat the couch into submission.

He kicked the couch and cried. It was a fair fight.

She told me her dog was the president. I believed her. She’s obliterated.

He tried to sing opera and it sounded like a cat was drowning.

So wasted you think the sky is a giant cheeseburger and you’re trying to eat it with your eyes.

He tried to eat the sky and got a napkin stuck in his hair.

She said the clouds were made of glitter. I believed her. She’s obliterated.

He ran out of the house screaming ‘I’m gonna eat the sun’.

So drunk you can’t walk straight and you’re trying to tell your mom you’re the king of the universe.

He tried to walk into a wall and got a standing ovation.

She told her mom she was the queen of dragons. It was a noble lie.

He said the pizza was plotting against him. It was a slow burn.