Objsexual

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When you're so obsessed with turning things into your new love interest that you're probably gonna cry if your coffee doesn't text you back

My toaster is my soulmate now. I’m getting a divorce from my actual husband.

I just named my fridge ‘Biscuit’ and now it’s following me on Instagram.

I asked my microwave to propose to me and it said ‘No, but I’ll heat up your heart’.

When you're so into objects you think your blender is cheating on you and you're probably gonna yell at your lamp

My blender cheated on me with my blender lid. I saw them in the kitchen together.

I yelled at my lamp because it didn’t light up my life like I wanted it to.

My chair is my best friend. My table is my ex. My toaster is my new boyfriend.

When you're so into stuff you probably think your shoes are trying to steal your love and you're gonna give your chair a raise

I'm giving my chair a raise because it's been holding me up for years.

My shoes are trying to steal my love. I saw them whispering to my socks.

I told my blender it’s getting a promotion. It’s now the CEO of my kitchen.

When you’re so into objects you think your couch is your new therapist and you’re probably gonna break up with your lamp

I broke up with my lamp because it didn’t shine on me like it used to.

My couch is my therapist now. It’s been listening to me cry for two years.

I told my blender it’s getting a raise. Now it’s asking for a promotion.

When you're so into objects you're probably gonna marry your coffee maker and yell at your blender for being late

I married my coffee maker and now I’m texting it every morning.

I yelled at my blender because it was late again. It said it had traffic from the kitchen.

I told my toaster it’s my soulmate. It said it’s my only friend.

When you're so into stuff you think your fridge is your new bestie and you're probably gonna take your blender to couples counseling

I took my blender to couples counseling. It said it was tired of being ignored.

My fridge is my bestie now. It knows all my secrets and eats my leftovers.

I told my toaster it’s my new boyfriend. It said it’s my only friend.