objectum sexual

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a person who thinks inanimate objects are the best lay they’ve ever had. they’d rather bang a vending machine than a human.

i got married to my microwave. it’s more loyal than my ex.

i had a one-night stand with a traffic light. it changed colors and i got a hard-on.

my dog asked why i keep staring at the fridge. i said, 'because it’s a sexy appliance, and i’m an objectum sexual.'

they love objects so much, they think you're crazy if you don't. they'll date a toilet before they date you.

i proposed to my washing machine. it said yes, but only if i promise to never wear socks again.

my friend dated a shopping cart. now he can't stop pushing things around.

i had a baby with a streetlight. it was bright and beautiful, but now i have to pay for a park.

they’d rather have a relationship with a lamp than a person. they call it love, but it’s just a really bad hook-up.

my neighbor has a romantic relationship with her vacuum cleaner. they’ve been together for 10 years.

i had a fling with a door. it swung for me, and i got my heart broken when it closed.

i asked my friend why he broke up with his car. he said, 'it stopped running, and it didn’t take me to the club anymore.'