Obama Doctrine

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1
Don't Do Stupid Shit (DDSS) is when you're too lazy to think, and you just go with whatever dumb idea comes into your head.
Obama said, 'We'll take it easy,' and then we got stuck with a war we didn't want.
He promised no more wars, then he started a drone war in the middle of nowhere.
He said, 'We're out of Iraq!' Then he came back for a photo op.
2
Extreme incompetence applied with extreme ignorance is like being blind, stupid, and still choosing to walk into a fire.
He didn't know what was going on, but he kept making big decisions anyway.
He signed a big deal without reading it, and now we're paying for it.
He said, 'I don't need to know,' and now we're all stuck with it.
3
Listen to other leaders and be respectful of other cultures and nations is like being the class clown who still tries to be a good friend.
He said, 'We're all in this together,' and then he let other countries get messed up.
He asked other leaders for help, but then he ignored them.
He said, 'We should all be friends,' and then he went to war with one of them.
4
Improve trade and other positive inter-relationships with other countries is like getting your friends to help you cheat on a test.
He made deals with other countries to get better stuff for us.
He said, 'We're all in this together,' and then he took the best part for himself.
He promised better trade, and then he let the other country get the short end of the stick.
5
Build broad coalitions when possible, and try to work within the framework of the UN is like having a big group of friends who all agree to help you, even if they don't want to.
He gathered a bunch of countries to help him out, but most of them didn't care.
He said, 'Let's all work together,' and then he let most of them get messed up.
He got a bunch of countries to help, and then he left them behind.
6
But sometimes unilaterally or with small coalitions, especially when dealing with terrorist threats is like fighting a war with a few friends and hoping they're not all dumb.
He went after terrorists by himself, and it didn't go well.
He used a few friends to fight the big bad guys, and it backfired.
He said, 'I can handle this alone,' and then he got stuck with it.
7
Increase intelligence and spying, to the threshold where it may infringe on civil rights and civil liberties is like watching your friends through a telescope and not caring if they get mad.
He spied on people so much that he made them mad.
He watched people's lives like a creepy neighbor.
He took people's privacy and didn't even say sorry.
8
Maintain secrecy, and go after whistle blowers and leakers, and occasionally the press is like hiding your secrets and then blaming your friends when they tell everyone.
He kept secrets and then fired the people who told them.
He said, 'I don't want anyone to know,' and then he blamed them for telling.
He let people know his secrets and then yelled at them for it.
9
Avoid getting into traditional wars, and get out of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, by training their armies and then moving out of the Countries as much as possible is like starting a fight, then walking away and leaving your friends to deal with it.
He started a war, then walked away and left the rest to us.
He trained other countries' armies, then left them to fight alone.
He said, 'We're out of Iraq!' and then came back for a photo op.
10
Support uprisings like Arab Spring, through coalition building, and supporting legit rebel forces when possible, and providing humanitarian aid, without getting entangled in a civil war is like helping your friends rebel, but then walking away when it gets messy.
He helped people rebel, then walked away and left them to fight.
He said, 'We're in this together,' and then he left them behind.
He supported rebels, then ignored them when they got in trouble.
11
Minimize weapons of mass destruction by eliminating chemical weapons and nuclear proliferation is like taking the biggest bombs and then throwing them away.
He got rid of some of the biggest bombs and said, 'We're better off without them.'
He took out chemical weapons and said, 'We don't need those.'
He said, 'Let's get rid of the big bombs,' and then we did.
12
Go directly after terrorists Drones, and Special Forces is like using tiny robots and super soldiers to fight your enemies.
He sent tiny robots to kill terrorists.
He used super soldiers to take out the biggest bad guys.
He said, 'We're going to fight them with robots and soldiers.'
13
Destroy al Qaeda by killing or capturing their top leadership like Osama Bin Laden, major bounties for their kill or capture is like giving a bunch of money to people who kill your worst enemies.
He paid people to kill the worst enemies.
He said, 'I'll give you a ton of money if you kill them.'
He offered a lot of money to people who killed his enemies.
14
Maintain a bias toward Israel is like always picking the same friend in class and ignoring the others.
He always helped Israel and ignored the others.
He said, 'Israel is our best friend,' and left the others behind.
He picked Israel every time and didn't care about the others.
15
Recognize the theory of right to self determination is like letting your friends decide what they want to do, even if you don't like it.
He let people decide for themselves, even if he didn't like it.
He said, 'You should do what you want,' and then walked away.
He let people choose for themselves, even if they made bad decisions.
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