Obama bong

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Lying to someone like you’re telling them your grandma’s secret recipe for farts.

He said he’d finish the project by Friday. Now it’s Monday and he’s still eating pizza for breakfast.

She told me she never missed a workout. I saw her crying on the floor after one step.

He promised he’d pay me back. Now I’m following him around the mall like a lost puppy.

Talking out your ass so hard you’re probably breathing through your nose.

He said he got a perfect score on the test. I saw him crying in the bathroom after it.

She told me she could run a marathon. Now she’s out of breath after climbing the stairs.

He said he’d show up to the party. Now I’m sitting here with a plate of leftover pizza.

Making up stories so wild you think you need a map to understand them.

He said he met a dragon in the park. I saw him arguing with a pigeon.

She told me she was a spy for the CIA. Now she’s asking me to hide her socks.

He said he flew to Mars last week. I saw him trying to fix the toaster.