oatriding

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when someone acts like they’re the king of the castle, but the castle is falling apart and the king can’t even stand up straight.

My cousin said the pizza was the best ever. It had two pepperonis. I died.

My mom said my dog won the dog show. He blinked twice and walked away.

My friend said his job was the most prestigious. He works at a gas station.

when someone praises something so bad it makes you want to throw up and give them a slap.

My uncle said my aunt’s singing was like a choir. It was like a choir of screaming raccoons.

My brother said my math test was perfect. He failed it.

My teacher said my essay was amazing. It had three words and a doodle of a cat.

when someone acts like they’re the main character of a movie, but the movie is a rental and the main character has no pants on.

My dad said my video game skills were legendary. I beat him at the easiest level.

My sister said her art was world-famous. It was a stick figure with a mustache.

My neighbor said his garden was the best. It had one tomato and a weed.