oardinance

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A stupid law about how you can or cannot use your long-handled boat-paddles in public.

The city tried to ban paddle-swinging during lunch breaks. I told them to go eat a sandwich and stop being silly.

My neighbor got fined for using his paddle to flip a hot dog into the lake. Classic.

I got a warning for paddling too loud during the mayor's speech. He said I was 'disrupting the flow of power.'

A rule that says you can’t use your long-handled boat-paddles unless you pay a fee and promise to be quiet.

I had to pay $50 to paddle my boat during the city festival. I used it to knock over a float. Worth it.

My brother got fined twice for using his paddle to shout insults at the mayor. He’s still mad.

The law says you can’t paddle at night unless you wear a hat. I wore a hat. I still got yelled at.

A rule that makes you feel like a fool for using your long-handled boat-paddles in public.

I was told I was ‘disrupting the calm’ for using my paddle to wave at my dog. The dog didn’t care.

My paddle was taken away for making too much noise. I got a paddle-shaped ticket.

They told me I was ‘paddling in disrespect’ for flipping a burger into the lake. I flipped them back.