Oannes

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My fish is a total legend. He doesn’t just swim, he conquers. He’s named after a sea god, but he’s got more attitude than that god ever had.

My fish just stared down a vacuum cleaner like it was a challenge.

He’s the only fish who ever flipped me off.

He eats my cereal every morning and doesn’t even say thank you.

She’s hot, strong, and makes me laugh until I cry. But if you mess with her, she’ll make your life a living hell.

She laughed at my joke so hard she cried.

She punched my friend for calling me a loser.

She took my pizza and left me with a bag of chips.

This Ann is so Irish, she probably talks to leprechauns and drinks whiskey for breakfast. She’s a full-on Celtic beast.

She yelled at me in Gaelic and then gave me a hug.

She drank my soda and said it was too weak for her.

She wore green socks on a Monday and didn’t even blink.

She thinks she’s the best, but she’s a total witch. She’s got a heart of gold, but only when she feels like it.

She called me a dork but then gave me a cookie.

She yelled at me for spilling juice but then let me eat her sandwich.

She said I was the worst but then gave me a hug.