Oaf Ape

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2 views · Added 7d ago · 5 definitions

A clumsy, meaty blob of a human who thinks he's a beast but just smells like old gym socks and regret.

Shane tripped over a soda can and face-planted into a wall. It was like a punchline no one asked for.

He tried to do a cool dance move and ended up falling into a bush. The bush looked proud.

Shane attempted to high-five a friend and missed entirely, hitting a passing pigeon instead.

A human who walks like he's been fighting a bear for five hours and still lost.

Shane walked into the room like he just escaped a wrestling match with a donkey.

He tried to do a slow walk and it looked like he was being chased by a very angry turtle.

Shane staggered into the kitchen like he just ran a marathon in a blender.

A human who looks like he was dropped from a helicopter and didn't know how to land.

Shane fell off a chair and landed with the grace of a confused elephant.

He walked into a door like it was his personal enemy and he had a grudge.

Shane tried to sit down and ended up falling sideways like he was being tossed out of a boat.

A human who moves like he's been cursed by a very tired sloth.

Shane took 10 seconds to walk from the couch to the fridge. It was a tragedy.

He tried to wave goodbye and it took him three minutes to finish.

Shane stood up and it took him a full minute to realize he was moving.

A human who looks like he was hit by a truck and then forgot how to be human.

Shane walked in like he just survived a fight with a very angry bear.

He tripped over his own feet and landed with the enthusiasm of a failed superhero.

Shane looked like he had been run over by a pizza delivery van and still didn't know why.