O' Doucher

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A gut-chuckin' baseball coach who looks like he just ate a whole pizza and cried about it.

He stares at me like he's trying to figure out why I'm not the best player ever.

He blinked so slow after I struck out that I thought he was dead.

He stared at the game like he was trying to solve the meaning of life.

A lard-filled coach who thinks he's a genius because he can count to 10.

He yelled at the team for 20 minutes over a single missed catch.

He got confused when the game wasn't going his way and started talking to the sky.

He tried to explain the rules of baseball like it was a college class.

A flabby coach who thinks he's a legend just because he once threw a ball.

He stood on the field like he was the king of the world after I hit a single.

He stared at me like I had insulted his entire family.

He tried to give me a pep talk but it took 15 minutes and he forgot what he was saying.