naljunkie

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A person who treats their Nalgene like it's the holy grail and chugs from it like it's going out of style.

I saw him drink from his Nalgene in the shower. Like it was a sacred ritual.

She brought three Nalgene bottles to the concert. One for water, one for soda, one for existential dread.

He tried to drink from my Nalgene. I told him it was infected.

Someone who owns more Nalgene bottles than they own clothes and uses them like they're going to die if they don't drink from one.

He had a Nalgene for every day of the week. Even the weekends.

She brought her Nalgene to the funeral. Like it was a personal insult if she didn’t use it.

He slept with his Nalgene under his pillow. Said it gave him dreams of hydration.

A person who thinks their Nalgene is better than you, and probably has proof.

He bragged about his Nalgene like it was a trophy. It wasn’t even clean.

She showed me her Nalgene collection. It had more bottles than my ex had relationships.

He tried to make me drink from his Nalgene. I said no. He said I was wrong.

Someone who drinks from their Nalgene so much it’s like they’re married to it.

He married his Nalgene. It was a real thing. I saw the certificate.

She brought her Nalgene to the wedding. Like it was the best man.

He had a Nalgene for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And a snack.

A person who thinks they're the king of the hydration world because they have a Nalgene.

He called himself the King of Hydration. It was annoying.

She brought her Nalgene to the throne. Like it was a crown.

He challenged me to a Nalgene duel. I said no. He said I was weak.