Nailgunning

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Jammin’ a nailgun up your partner’s butt and blastin’ nails like it’s a murder mystery and you’re the detective.

I shot my girl so many times she had to take a vacation to the ER.

My ex said I nailed him so hard he had a permanent smile.

I fired so much he had to get a new butt and a new lease on life.

A girl so hot she could make your brain explode and still laugh at your jokes like you’re the funniest person on Earth.

She came to the party and I forgot how to breathe.

She winked at me and I dropped my phone in the toilet.

I asked her out and she said, 'Sure, but I’m gonna make you work for it.'

A guy who talks like he’s on a commercial for a nailgun, but he’s just a tool with a big mouth.

He said, 'I’m the nailgun of the century!' and I said, 'You’re the nailgun of the century and you’re also a tool.'

He bragged about his compressor like it was his ex.

He tried to explain a nailgun and I fell asleep mid-sentence.

When you have a gun to someone’s head and you’re like, 'Do it or I’ll shoot you.' And they say, 'Do it.' And you do it.

I told my ex, 'Do it or I’ll blow your brain out.' And she did it and I got a promotion.

My friend had a gun to his girlfriend’s head and she said, 'Do it.' And he did.

I said, 'Do it or I’ll shoot you.' And I did.

When you put your dick in a woman’s butt and she’s bendin’ over like she’s doing yoga with a side of anal.

She was doing yoga and I said, 'Let’s make it anal yoga.'

I put my dick in her butt and she said, 'You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had.'

She said, 'I’m doing yoga and I’m getting nailed.'

The most awesome European guy who sings so good he could make a cat cry and a dog laugh.

He sang so good my cat cried and my dog laughed.

He’s the best European guy and he’s like a rockstar for cats.

He’s so good I had to give him a standing ovation and a raise.