nad the impale-her

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1
A real-life Sex Vampire who got a bunch of Carpathians to give him free stuff in Moldavia way before Winona Ryder jumped in a river because she stole stuff. He used his four-foot cock to stab people and fight with it.
He stabbed 12 peasants with his meaty sword and then ate them for dinner.
He fought a dragon with his cock and won. No one believed him.
He asked for free wine and got a whole kingdom instead.
2
A 1st century Sex Vampire who took free stuff from Carpathians in Moldavia. He had a four-foot cock that he used to stab people and fight with.
He stabbed a king in the back with his cock and took the throne.
He fought a bear with his cock and won. The bear cried.
He asked for a sandwich and got a whole city.
3
A Sex Vampire who got free stuff from Carpathians in Moldavia way before Winona Ryder drowned herself for stealing. He had a four-foot cock and used it to stab people and fight.
He stabbed a priest with his cock and got excommunicated.
He fought a giant with his cock and the giant ran away.
He asked for a beer and got a whole brewery.
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