n00b at life

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1
A dumb kid who thinks they know everything, even when they're clearly wrong. They don't listen to anyone and act like they're the smartest person in the room, even when they're just being a stubborn idiot.
My cousin thinks he's the king of the world because he failed algebra once.
My friend still thinks he's cool because he doesn't know how to use a phone.
My neighbor yells at the mailman like he's the devil because the mail was late.
2
A giant baby who's too fat to move and probably dead. They don’t know how to live, and they look like they were dropped from a plane.
My uncle looks like a dead baby who was hit by a truck.
My cousin's kid is so fat he's like a human meatball.
My friend's brother is so still he might be a corpse.
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