M'ed up

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So messed up you think you're the king of the world and then you fall into a sewer.

I woke up with three pizzas and a text from my ex saying 'I still love you, but I also hate you.'

He tried to dance on a table at a bar and ended up face-down in a puddle of beer.

She texted me at 3 a. m. saying she had a nightmare about her mom wearing a banana costume.

So messed up you think you're a superhero and then you realize you're just a guy who spilled coffee on a cat.

I drank six energy drinks and tried to rap in the grocery store.

He got into a fight with a vending machine and lost.

She wore socks with sandals and thought it was a fashion statement.

So messed up you think you're cool and then you realize you're just a guy who got lost in a pizza box.

He tried to propose to his girlfriend on a roller coaster and got sick instead.

She wore a hat made of socks to a party and no one asked her to leave.

I texted my boss 'I'm not coming in today' and then fell asleep in a cereal box.

So messed up you think you're a legend and then you realize you're just a guy who peed on a fire hydrant.

He tried to cook a steak and set the kitchen on fire.

She wore a shirt inside out and thought it was a bold fashion choice.

I tried to take a selfie and ended up falling into a lake.

So messed up you think you're a rockstar and then you realize you're just a guy who got kicked out of a karaoke bar.

He tried to sing and sounded like a duck with a sore throat.

She wore a hat made of cheese and called it 'edible fashion.'

I tried to balance on a chair and fell into a soup bowl.