maddi cumsey

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a blonde who’s slept with more people than a meatball sandwich by 14

"I had 12 boyfriends last year. One of them was my math teacher."

"I told my mom I was going to the mall. I came back with a tattoo."

"I said I’d be back by 7. I came back with a hangover and a new nickname."

a blonde who’s had more sex than a pizza delivery guy on a Friday night

"I had sex with my neighbor’s dog. It was okay."

"I told my brother I was going to sleep. I came back with a girlfriend."

"My dad walked in on me. He said, 'You're not a kid anymore.'"

a blonde who’s had more boyfriends than a bar has drinks

"I had 10 boyfriends in a month. One of them was my best friend."

"I had sex in the school library. The librarian gave me a detention."

"I told my mom I was going to a party. I came back with a broken heart and a broken promise."

a blonde who’s had more sex than a chicken at a buffet

"I had sex with my neighbor. He’s still my neighbor."

"I had 15 boyfriends in one year. One of them was my uncle."

"I said I was going to sleep. I came back with a new face and a new life."

a blonde who’s slept with more people than a subway train in rush hour

"I had sex in the classroom. My teacher gave me a warning."

"I told my mom I was going to sleep. I came back with a new name and a new life."

"I said I was going to the store. I came back with a new boyfriend and a new problem."