Mad-Munive Syndrome

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when your coworker is like a cockroach in your soup and you can't get rid of them

'Hey, did you eat lunch yet?' at 3 PM on a Friday

'Wait, what was that thing you said?' right after you said it

they bring a whole damn toolbox to your desk like they're fixing your soul

when your coworker talks like they're trying to solve a mystery and you're just trying to get through the day

'So... what do you think about this?' like it's a life-or-death question

they pause for 10 seconds between every word

they ask if you're 'feeling okay' after you said 'fine' five times

when your coworker is like a walking disaster with a belt full of useless tools

they have a belt with 12 different pens and a stapler that doesn't work

they carry a mini coffee maker to your desk like it's a survival skill

they bring a calculator to a meeting about how many donuts to buy

when your coworker is like a fly that won't stop buzzing around your head and you're about to snap

they hover over your desk like they're waiting for you to die

they look over your shoulder every 30 seconds like you're hiding something

they whisper 'I can see your screen' even though you're right there

when your coworker walks away and you feel like you’ve been freed from a jail cell

you breathe a sigh of relief when they finally leave

you almost cry when they say 'I'll be back in 5 minutes'

you start humming your favorite song as soon as they're gone

when your coworker's idea of fun is like getting a root canal and you're the one who has to live through it

they bring a 20-page report about how many chairs we need

they argue about the color of the coffee cups for an hour

they try to turn a 2-minute meeting into a 30-minute drama