mad dog shitting razor blades

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When you're trying to talk about something real and the other person keeps switching the subject like they're on a caffeine high and have no brain.

You: 'Did you even finish your homework?' Them: 'Why are you still wearing socks?'

You: 'We need to talk about your grades.' Them: 'I'm gonna text my ex about this.'

You: 'Why did you eat my lunch?' Them: 'I'm gonna tell your mom about your crush.'

When someone is so busy avoiding the actual problem they're talking about they might as well be a dog with a razor blade up its ass.

You: 'Did you steal my pencil?' Them: 'I saw your dog eating my sandwich.'

You: 'Why did you fail the test?' Them: 'I was thinking about my cat's hairball.'

You: 'Why did you skip class?' Them: 'I was arguing with the wall.'

When you're trying to get to the bottom of something and the other person keeps bringing up dumb stuff like they're trying to win a bet.

You: 'Why did you break my phone?' Them: 'I was trying to save your dog from a bear.'

You: 'Why did you cheat?' Them: 'I was trying to beat my brother at video games.'

You: 'Why are you so late?' Them: 'I was arguing with the traffic light.'

When you're having a real conversation and the other person keeps changing the subject like they're trying to escape a jail cell.

You: 'Did you copy my homework?' Them: 'I was talking to my crush.'

You: 'Why did you lie to the teacher?' Them: 'I was trying to save my dog from a car.'

You: 'Why did you eat my lunch?' Them: 'I was trying to beat my mom at chess.'

When someone is so bad at staying on topic they might as well be a dog that shat razor blades in your shoe.

You: 'Did you steal my pencil?' Them: 'I was trying to save my dog from a bear.'

You: 'Why did you skip class?' Them: 'I was arguing with my teacher about my dog.'

You: 'Why did you cheat?' Them: 'I was trying to win a bet with my brother.'

When someone is so busy avoiding the problem they're talking about it’s like they have a whole crew of dogs shitting razor blades in your path.

You: 'Why did you eat my lunch?' Them: 'I was trying to save my dog from a bear.'

You: 'Did you copy my homework?' Them: 'I was trying to win a bet with my mom.'

You: 'Why did you fail the test?' Them: 'I was arguing with the principal about my dog.'