macropaedia

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a big-ass book that explains everything like your teacher when you ask why the sky is blue and you’re still confused.

My mom’s encyclopaedia is so thick it could double as a doorstop and a brick.

I tried to read it once. I fell asleep and woke up in the 1980s.

It’s like Wikipedia but with more yelling and less emojis.

the kind of book that makes you feel like you’re in a classroom with 30 kids and one teacher who has a headache.

I opened it and it was like a snowstorm of words hit me in the face.

It’s the reason my brain feels like it’s been through a blender.

It’s so detailed, it even explains why your uncle’s pants are always falling down.

a dictionary that’s so full of details, it’s like your mom giving you a lecture about your life and your future.

It has more words than my ex has excuses.

I read one page and my eyes started to cry.

It’s like a dictionary for people who have nothing better to do.

a book that doesn’t just tell you what something is but also why it smells like burnt toast and why your dog hates it.

This book could explain why your dog hates your uncle and why your uncle hates your dog.

It’s like having a teacher who knows everything and still doesn’t know why you hate math.

It gives details so detailed, your brain might explode.

a giant book that doesn’t just tell you what things are but also how they feel, look, and sometimes why they’re mad at you.

It’s like your teacher explaining your life and your dog’s life in one big lecture.

I read it and I got a headache so bad I could’ve cried.

It’s so detailed, it even explains why your pants fall down.

a dictionary that’s so detailed, it could be used to write a novel about your lunch and why it tastes like regret.

It explained how to make a sandwich so well, I could’ve written a thesis on it.

I read it and I forgot why I was even reading it.

It’s like your teacher gave you a book and said, 'read this, or I’ll fail you.'