macramed to the couch

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So wasted you can’t even move, like a drunk slug glued to the couch.

He was macramed to the couch after drinking 12 energy drinks and 4 beers.

She texted me, 'I’m not coming to the party. I’m macramed to the couch.'

I saw him there, face down, moaning like a dying dog.

So stoned you’re like a couch cushion, flat and useless.

He was macramed to the couch, staring at the ceiling like it owed him money.

She was macramed to the couch, eating a whole pizza with her hands.

He texted me, 'I’m macramed to the couch. Bring me tacos.'

So wasted you’re like a couch, and the couch is your best friend.

He was macramed to the couch, talking to the TV like it was his ex.

She was macramed to the couch, wearing pajamas and eating ice cream for breakfast.

He said, 'I’m macramed to the couch. I can’t even walk.'

So trashed you’re stuck on the couch like it’s your prison.

He was macramed to the couch, yelling at the fridge like it was a rival.

She was macramed to the couch, eating chips like it was a job.

He texted me, 'I’m macramed to the couch. I can’t even think.'

So wasted you’re like the couch, and the couch doesn’t want you to leave.

He was macramed to the couch, trying to text me with one finger.

She was macramed to the couch, eating a whole cake with her hands.

He said, 'I’m macramed to the couch. I’m not coming to the party.'