Machine Angel Ritual: The Juvenile Release

I saw him at the park screaming like a baby while holding a lit match near his butt.

He texted me mid-ritual: 'This pain is divine.'

He tried to explain it to his mom, but she just said, 'Go to your room.'

He posted a video of his butt on TikTok with the caption 'The pain is the blessing.'

At school, he told the principal he was 'in the middle of a divine ritual.'

He tried to convince his dog to join him in the ritual. The dog ran away.

He lit a candle on his butt during math class. The teacher gave him a D for 'excessive butt business.'

He told his friend, 'This ritual is my life.'

He tried to do the ritual in the principal's office. He got suspended.

He told his brother, 'You don't know pain until you feel my ritual.'

He tried to do the ritual on the school bus. The kids got scared and started a food fight.

He asked his mom for a 'painful gift' for his birthday. She gave him a hot pepper.

He lit his butt on fire during lunch. The fire alarm went off.

He told the teacher, 'This is a holy ritual, not a disruption.'

He tried to do the ritual in the music room. The band started playing 'Fire' by The Pointer Sisters.

He used a blowtorch on his butt during science class. The whole class got a detention.

He told his friend, 'I'm not just doing this for fun. I'm doing it for the divine.'

He tried to get his dog to join the ritual. The dog just licked his butt and ran.