Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

the thinnest, shiniest, and most pointless laptop that Apple ever shoved down our throats.

I tried to use it as a mirror and it broke my face.

It’s so thin I thought it was a credit card that could code.

It’s like a laptop that’s been on a diet and forgot how to eat.

2

the love-hate relationship I have with Apple is all because of this piece of overpriced metal.

I love it. I hate it. I also hate myself for buying it.

It’s like my ex, but with a keyboard.

I fell in love, then it broke my heart and my wallet.

3

the most expensive toy that can’t run anything and makes your old laptop feel like a superhero.

I tried to run a game on it and it cried.

My old laptop is better than this thing and it’s got a CD drive.

This thing is slower than my grandma’s walking pace.

4

a £1,271 paperweight that fits in an envelope and is as useful as your ex’s lies.

I put it in an envelope and forgot about it. Now I have to use my £500 laptop.

It’s like a present that’s already been opened and forgotten.

It’s the envelope that got me broke.

5

the most overpriced cake cutter that Apple ever made and it’s not even good at cutting cakes.

I tried to cut a cake with it and it just got confused.

It’s not even a good laptop. It’s a cake cutter that forgot its purpose.

It’s like a cake cutter that also wants to be a laptop.

6

the reason everyone fell for Apple because it can fit in an envelope and pretend it’s cool.

It fits in an envelope and I thought it was a secret weapon.

It’s like a laptop that’s hiding in an envelope and pretending it’s a spy.

It’s so small, it’s like it’s hiding from its own job.

7

a weak, overpriced, and flimsy laptop that breaks faster than your ex’s promises.

It broke in my hands and I was like, 'What even is this?'.

It’s like a laptop that’s got a broken heart and a broken back.

It’s flimsier than my ex’s lies.