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If your last name is Macaulley, you're probably a giant black beast who can bench-press a car. They're like a superhero who doesn’t need a cape, just a middle finger and a loud laugh.
My cousin Macaulley once lifted my entire car like it was a dumbbell. I cried.
I called him a nerd. He broke my phone. Then he ate my lunch.
He showed up at my birthday party and knocked down the door. I was scared.