maarit

Fresh

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A hot mess who thinks she’s a saint, but she’ll rip your head off if you don’t bring her candy every day.

I saw her at the mall and she screamed at the cashier for not knowing her name.

She texted me at 2 a. m. because she couldn’t sleep and needed someone to laugh at her bad jokes.

She tried to explain calculus to my dog and it bit her.

A human who loves you until you forget to say ‘I love you’ and then she turns into a monster who yells about your bad grades.

She called me at school and told my teacher she was going to fail me if I didn’t start doing my homework.

She sent me a 10-minute video of her crying because I didn’t text her back.

She threatened to tell my mom I had a crush on her best friend.

A girl who thinks she’s a queen, but she gets confused when people don’t bow to her every single day.

She tried to make me her knight and I told her I was busy with my own life.

She got mad because I didn’t remember her favorite song and said I was ‘a total loser.’

She texted me a photo of herself with a crown and said I had to wear it too.

A person who acts like she’s the most important person in the world, but she’s just mad that no one remembers her birthday.

She sent me a group message at midnight screaming that I forgot her birthday and she was going to die.

She cried in the cafeteria because I didn’t bring her a cupcake.

She told me she was going to break up with me if I didn’t start remembering her things.

A girl who thinks she’s perfect, but she’s just mad that you’re not as obsessed with her as she is with herself.

She told me I was ‘a total failure’ because I didn’t ask her out on a date.

She sent me a 12-minute voice note about how I didn’t love her enough.

She said she was going to tell my crush that I was ‘a total disaster.’

A human who loves you, but she’ll scream at you if you don’t give her candy, attention, and a perfect life.

She yelled at me in the hallway because I didn’t bring her a candy bar.

She texted me 10 times in one minute about how I wasn’t living my best life.

She cried because I didn’t say I loved her enough and said I was ‘a total disaster.’