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She left me for Ted because he can play air guitar and she thinks that's cool.

Ted said he'd propose in a month. I said I'd propose in a coffin.

She texted me 'Bye loser' and then called Ted 'My rockstar'.

She broke up with me for Ted because he wore a hat and thought he was a legend.

Ted said he'd take her to a concert. I said I'd take her to a funeral.

She said 'You're not my Ted' and then cried because he had a beard.

She dumped me for Ted because he said he was a king and she believed him.

Ted said he'd rule the world. I said I'd rule the trash can.

She left me for Ted and said 'You're just a peasant.'

She left me for Ted because he said he could fly and she believed it.

Ted said he'd save her from the void. I said I'd save her from my void.

She said 'You're not my Ted' and cried because he could fly.

She left me for Ted because he said he could turn water into wine and she believed it.

Ted said he'd cast a spell on her. I said I'd cast a spell on the trash.

She said 'You're not my Ted' and then cried because he had a hat.

She dumped me for Ted because he said he was a god and she believed it.

Ted said he'd take her to heaven. I said I'd take her to the trash can.

She said 'You're not my Ted' and cried because he had a beard and a hat.