Lahcene

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1
Lahcene is the ultimate package deal, the kind of guy who thinks he’s the main character of your life, and you just happen to be the sidekick. He’s got the brain of a genius, the heart of a saint, and the patience of a saint who’s been wronged. He’ll make you feel like the best version of yourself, until he starts talking about his day and you wish you were dead.
Lahcene texted me at 2 AM about his feelings. I cried. Then I screamed. Then I texted him back and said I hated him. He replied: 'I know. But I still love you.'
My friend said Lahcene is the only person who can make a 3-hour subway ride feel like a romantic getaway.
Lahcene’s mom called me and said he’s been talking about me nonstop. I’ve never been more terrified in my life.
2
Lahcene is the type of guy who plans for the future while you’re still figuring out how to breathe. He’s nice, but he’s also got a head full of money and a brain full of ideas. He laughs at your jokes, but he’s always thinking about how to make you rich, or at least richer than you are now.
Lahcene texted me: 'I’ve calculated your life. You’re 63% chaos. Fix that.'
He gave me a business idea during lunch. I still haven’t figured out what it was. But I’m 75% sure it was a good one.
Lahcene walked into a room and immediately started talking about the stock market. I walked out.
3
Lahcene is the kind of person who’s always happy, but deep down, he’s just trying to figure out life. He’s smart, he’s got a brain full of secrets, and he’s always trying to prove he’s right. But when life throws him a curveball, he turns into a lazy, confused, philosophical mess who just wants to know the meaning of everything, and sometimes, he just wants to nap.
Lahcene texted me: 'I’ve been analyzing your life. You’re 80% mystery. I’m 75% confused. We’re a match.'
He asked me what the meaning of life was. I asked him what the meaning of his texts was. He didn’t answer.
Lahcene was supposed to be at work, but he was napping in a park. I sent him a photo of a cat. He replied: 'That’s better than a boss.'
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