lactose and tolerant

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1
A person who eats every flavor of Neapolitan ice cream, even the ones that taste like regret and bad decisions.
I ate the chocolate, the vanilla, and the swirl of sadness. I didn't even care that it was 2 a. m.
My brother ate the whole thing and now he's screaming in the bathroom.
I'm lactose tolerant, but I'm also a fool.
2
If you aren’t a walking disaster after eating dairy, then you’re just lucky, not special.
I ate a whole pizza and felt fine. You? You looked like a sad hot dog.
She drank milk and didn’t die. That’s not a gift, that’s a slap in the face.
He ate cheese and didn’t cry. I’m jealous.
3
The art of eating so much dairy that your body gives up and starts crying.
I ate three gallons of ice cream and now my stomach is screaming.
He drank a whole carton of milk and passed out like a drunk man.
She ate a pizza and her eyes turned into two sad moons.
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