Lackofcockitis

My mom said I was out of my mind. I said, 'I'm not out of my mind, I'm just out of my pants.'

I saw a chicken and asked it to be my date. It said no. I asked it to be my lunch. It said yes.

I told my friend I’d rather date a goat than sit alone on a Saturday.

I asked my neighbor if he wanted to watch a movie. He said, 'I’d rather watch my own face in the mirror.'

I told my dog I was going to find a girlfriend. He barked at me and took my spot on the couch.

I texted my ex, 'Hey, wanna get back together?' He replied, 'No. But I’ll take a pizza.'

I told my teacher I had a crush on the school janitor. He said, 'You're not in love, you're in trouble.'

I tried to flirt with a vending machine. It gave me a bag of chips and a dirty look.

I proposed to my cat. It said, 'No. But I'll sleep with you if you feed me first.'

I joined a dating app and matched with a guy who had 37 photos of his dog. I said, 'You’re not my type. You’re my dog’s type.'

I asked my brother if he had a girlfriend. He said, 'No. But I have a girlfriend in my head.'

I told my mom I was going to find someone. She said, 'You’re not finding someone, you’re finding a problem.'

I asked my friend out on a date. He said, 'I’d rather go to the mall and eat pizza.'

I told my crush I’d take him to the movies. He said, 'I’d rather watch my own life.'

I tried to flirt with my boss. He said, 'No. But I'll give you extra coffee.'