lachrymology

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The art of whining like a baby until you feel better, but only if you cry so hard you feel like you're about to puke.

My mom said I had to cry for an hour before I could eat dessert.

He cried so much during the movie that the theater gave him free popcorn.

I cried so hard during my breakup that my dog started crying too.

A made-up religion that says you can only become a better person if you suffer and sob until your face looks like a melted hot dog.

My teacher said I had to cry for 10 minutes before I could leave class.

She cried so much during her speech that the principal cried too.

He cried so hard during his divorce that his dog ran away.

The science of crying so much that you start to believe you’re the most important person in the world.

My little brother cried so much that he got a medal for being the best crier in the school.

She cried so hard during her breakup that her friends cried with her.

He cried so much at the funeral that everyone thought he was the dead guy.

A fake religion invented by a band called Tool, where crying is the only way to become a god or get free snacks at concerts.

My friend said Tool started Lachrymology just to get more people to cry at their concerts.

Tool fans cry so much that they think they’re saving the world.

The band Tool made up Lachrymology just to make people cry during their songs.

A joke religion made by a band called Tool, where people believe that crying is how you become a god, or at least get free drinks at concerts.

Tool made up Lachrymology to make people cry so much they'd buy their merch.

Tool fans cry so hard they think they’re the only ones who matter.

Tool said Lachrymology was a joke, but now people cry every time they hear their songs.