Kaih-lee

“I never cheated on you.”, said by a guy who had 7 Tinder matches at once.

“That pizza was just slightly burnt.”, said by someone who ate the whole thing.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”, said by a person who lives 3 blocks away and has a broken car.

“This is the best relationship ever.”, said by two people who’ve only talked twice.

“I don’t need sleep.”, said by someone who fell asleep mid-sentence.

“I’m not high.”, said by a person who just ate a whole bag of candy.

“I’m not lazy, I’m just energy-efficient.”, said by someone who doesn’t even move.

“That’s not a problem, that’s a lifestyle.”, said by someone who forgot their own name.

“I don’t have a problem with you, I just have a problem with your whole family.”, said by someone who’s never met them.

“I’m not mad, I’m just slightly annoyed.”, said by someone who threw a chair.

“That’s not a lie, that’s just a little truth.”, said by someone who told 10 lies.

“I don’t need a phone, I just need a brain.”, said by someone who forgot their own phone.

“I’m not a bad person, I’m just a little evil.”, said by someone who stole a whole cake.

“I don’t need help.”, said by someone who asked for help 3 times.

“This is not a problem, this is a minor inconvenience.”, said by someone who cried for 2 hours.

“I don’t need a friend, I need a sidekick.”, said by someone who has 2 friends.

“That’s not a lie, that’s just a slightly confusing truth.”, said by someone who told 5 lies.

“I’m not tired, I’m just slightly drained.”, said by someone who fell asleep mid-sentence.