kaaharnetitus

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to be so high you can’t tell your butt from your elbow and you don’t care

I woke up in a toilet and my dog was eating my shoes. I was kaaharnetitus.

My mom called me and I said, ‘I’m not coming home, I’m a god.’ I was kaaharnetitus.

I tried to cook breakfast and ended up setting the kitchen on fire. I was kaaharnetitus.

to be so wasted you think the sky is a taco and you’re eating it

I told my boss I was taking a vacation to the moon. I was kaaharnetitus.

I tried to do my math homework and wrote ‘hello’ in the margins. I was kaaharnetitus.

I asked my neighbor if he wanted to borrow my pants. I was kaaharnetitus.

to be so messed up you can’t walk straight and you’re talking to a wall

I walked into a tree and didn’t even notice. I was kaaharnetitus.

I told my dog he was a superhero and he wagged his tail. I was kaaharnetitus.

I tried to eat a sandwich and it screamed at me. I was kaaharnetitus.

to be so tripped out you think your socks are alive and they’re fighting you

I tried to put on my shoes and my socks started a war. I was kaaharnetitus.

I told my cat I was going to be king of the universe. I was kaaharnetitus.

I tried to brush my teeth and my mirror laughed at me. I was kaaharnetitus.

to be so wasted you think your fridge is a spaceship and you’re the captain

I told my fridge it was time for takeoff. I was kaaharnetitus.

I tried to eat cereal and it asked me for a password. I was kaaharnetitus.

I told my mom I was going to Mars and I didn’t come back. I was kaaharnetitus.