Ka-choke-a

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Getting so bad at something that matters a little, but you still think you're gonna win because you're too full of yourself to notice.

I showed up to the spelling bee with a hangover and spelled 'carnivore' as 'car-ni-vore' like it was a joke.

My brother lost the chess match but still said he 'tactically sabotaged the board' because he's a disgrace.

I failed my math test but told the teacher it was a 'strategic error' because I'm a legend.

Sucking so hard at something that's kind of important, but you're too lazy to care because you know you're still gonna win.

I got a D+ on my history quiz but still said I ‘aced it’ because I’m a lying fraud.

I lost the dance-off but said it was a 'tactical retreat' because I’m too proud to admit I sucked.

My dog tried to run the marathon and collapsed at mile 3, but I still called it a 'victory lap'.

Doing so badly at something that's kind of big, but you're too full of hot air to realize you're still going to win.

I got eliminated in the first round of the talent show but still said I ‘didn’t want to hog the spotlight’ because I’m a drama queen.

My mom lost the pie-eating contest but said it was a ‘tactical distraction’ because she’s a lying mess.

I got last place in the science fair but called it a ‘strategic sacrifice’ because I’m a fraud.