Jackswig

My mom said I got a 100% on the test. It was a jackswig. I got a 52%.

He said he could bench press 300 pounds. That was a jackswig. He couldn't lift 100.

She told me she'd never eat another pizza. That was a jackswig. She ate three the next day.

He said he could swim across the ocean. That was a jackswig. He drowned in the bathtub.

My brother said he could eat a whole cake. That was a jackswig. He ate it, then threw up.

My teacher said she’d never fail a student. That was a jackswig. She failed me and my whole class.

My dad said he had a million dollars. That was a jackswig. He had two bucks and a debt.

My friend said he had a pet dragon. That was a jackswig. He had a hamster that sometimes hissed.

My mom said she could run a marathon. That was a jackswig. She ran two blocks and collapsed.

He said he was a famous singer. That was a jackswig. He sang in the shower and it was terrible.

She said she had a perfect GPA. That was a jackswig. She got a D in math and a F in science.

My uncle said he was a knight. That was a jackswig. He wore a cape and tripped over the dog.

He said he could beat up a bear. That was a jackswig. He ran screaming from a squirrel.

She said she could solve world hunger. That was a jackswig. She ate all the snacks and didn’t share.

My brother said he could fly. That was a jackswig. He jumped off the couch and landed face first.

He said he was the king of the world. That was a jackswig. He was kicked out of the school for screaming at the principal.

She said she had a spaceship. That was a jackswig. She had a toy rocket that didn’t even work.

My dad said he could talk to aliens. That was a jackswig. He just talked to the neighbor’s cat.