1
a tall white kid who thinks bagels are the only thing worth living for
He’d rather die than eat a sandwich that isn’t a bagel.
He called pizza ‘a betrayal of the bagel gods.’
He once screamed at a donut shop for not having bagels.
Jackson Likes Bagels
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2
a pale guy who eats bagels like they’re oxygen
He eats a bagel at 3 a. m. and calls it a ‘midnight ritual.’
He told his mom he’d rather be homeless than not have a bagel.
He tried to buy the whole bagel store and failed.
3
a white kid who would fight you for the last bagel
He once fought a kid in the bagel aisle over a plain one.
He cried when the bagel machine broke.
He threatened to quit school if bagels weren’t on the menu.