Jackophile

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A person who thinks Captain Jack Sparrow is the best lover they never had and still wears a hat that smells like rum and regret.

My ex broke up with me because I called Jack Sparrow my soulmate.

I dated three guys last year. All of them were Jack the Monkey.

I cried when Jack the Monkey died. I didn’t even care when my mom left me.

A person who knows every word Jack says and still doesn’t know where they are.

I know every line Jack says. I still don’t know where I am in life.

I’ve watched Pirates of the Caribbean 17 times. I still don’t know why I’m single.

I quote Jack every day. My friends think I’m a lost cause.

A person who is either twice as old as Jack or has a face that looks like it was beaten by the Kraken.

I’m 40. Jack is 20. I still think I’m better looking.

My face looks like the Kraken threw a punch at it. I still think I’m hot.

I’m old enough to be Jack’s grandma. I still have a crush on him.

A person who gets turned on by a monkey in a hat and still thinks they’re normal.

I get hard every time I see Jack the Monkey. My friends think I’m crazy.

I had a dream about Jack the Monkey. I woke up in my pants.

I told my therapist I’m obsessed with a monkey. She said I need help.