Jacking the peen-stalk

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when a guy scratches his balls with his finger like he’s trying to win a fight

He jacked the peen-stalk in the middle of math class. The teacher didn’t even notice.

He was jacking the peen-stalk in the grocery store. He almost knocked over the cereal aisle.

He jacked the peen-stalk during a Zoom meeting. His boss thought he was having a stroke.

the act of making your noodle feel like it’s getting a massage from a sweaty sock

He was jacking the peen-stalk in the car. His mom didn’t even know he had a car.

He jacked the peen-stalk during a thunderstorm. The lightning was jealous.

He jacked the peen-stalk while eating pizza. The cheese got involved.

when a guy is so lonely he starts talking to his penis like it’s his best friend

He jacked the peen-stalk in the bathroom. The toilet was listening.

He jacked the peen-stalk on a plane. The flight attendant gave him a look.

He jacked the peen-stalk during a video game. He beat the boss but lost his mind.

the only time a guy feels like he’s winning in life

He jacked the peen-stalk during a test. He got a C but felt like a king.

He jacked the peen-stalk while walking his dog. The dog was confused.

He jacked the peen-stalk in the middle of a conversation. No one asked questions.

when a guy is so distracted by his junk he forgets how to breathe

He jacked the peen-stalk during breakfast. He spilled his cereal and forgot about it.

He jacked the peen-stalk in the park. The squirrels watched him like he was a show.

He jacked the peen-stalk during a movie. He missed the ending and didn’t care.

the only time a guy feels like he’s in a movie and he’s the star

He jacked the peen-stalk during a meeting. He thought he was being dramatic.

He jacked the peen-stalk while doing laundry. The washing machine was impressed.

He jacked the peen-stalk on a bus. No one said anything. They just looked.