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A bald, short, ugly guy with a face mole who dates 12-year-olds and hates mumble rappers. He married me in Minecraft to escape paying $24. He wears only ripndip and expensive clothes. He moved to Hampstead so he wouldn’t have to pay $24. His name is John, but everyone calls him Jack.
Jack just texted me: 'I'm moving to Hampstead so I don't have to pay $24. You're welcome.'
Jack said, 'I'm dating a 12-year-old because I'm ugly and I hate mumble rappers.'
He DM'd me: 'I married you in Minecraft. You're my only friend.'