jackhammer jesus

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a giant cock shaped like a cross that screams during church services

I saw jackhammer jesus in the back of the chapel, and it was yelling 'Hallelujah, I'm hard!'

My mom tried to pray to it, but it just said 'You don't know what you're doing.'

At the funeral, jackhammer jesus showed up and broke the casket like it was a piñata.

a cross that also happens to be a very loud, very angry penis

Jackhammer jesus showed up at my math test and made the teacher faint.

It was supposed to be a quiet meditation, but jackhammer jesus started pounding the floor.

I tried to sneak it into the school, but it screamed 'I'm here!' in the hallway.

a holy cock that vibrates so much it feels like it's having a seizure

I tried to take a nap during church, but jackhammer jesus was vibrating like it had a monster inside.

It came to my house and shook the whole neighborhood.

I asked it if it wanted a drink, and it just screamed 'I'm already full of holy water!'