jack nolan

Jack Nolan walked in and all the girls turned their heads. He didn't even blink.

He called me a 'sad little faggot' in the middle of class. I still don't know why.

He said he'd beat me up if I didn't like him. I didn't like him. He came to my house.

Jack Nolan came into the room and the whole class went quiet. Even the teacher stopped talking.

He made Darwa cry. Then he made her laugh. Then he made her blush.

He said he'd take me on as his sidekick. I said no. He said I was a 'sad little faggot' again.

He said I was a 'sad little faggot' because I didn't know who he was. I said he was a 'sad little faggot' because he didn't know who I was.

He walked into the room like he owned it. He did own it. He owns everything.

He said he'd beat me up again if I didn't like him. I said I liked him. He said I was still a 'sad little faggot'.

It was the Tuesday after Pancake Tuesday and Jack Nolan was on top of the world. Literally.

He got to number one on Twitter. He didn’t even care. He just said, 'I’m the best guy you’ll ever meet.'

He made the whole country talk about him. And he didn’t even try.