jack cahill

Jack Cahill is like a bad pizza, you know it's gonna be gross before you even take a bite.

I saw Jack Cahill at the mall and I almost ran out of the building.

He walked into my class like he owned the place, and he still does, by force.

Jack Cahill tried to do a math problem and it took him 10 minutes, and he still got it wrong.

He showed up to the football game in pajamas and no socks. That's not a fashion statement. That's a cry for help.

I had to sit next to him on the bus and I still haven't washed my hands.

Jack Cahill walked into the cafeteria and 10 people immediately left.

He tried to be funny and it was like listening to a broken kazoo.

He texted me and said, 'I'm gonna be famous someday.' I replied, 'No, you're gonna be famous for being gross.'

Jack Cahill sits in the back of the room and nobody knows why he's still alive.

He tried to do a science experiment and it exploded, literally.

He showed up to the dance with a cup of soup and a sandwich. That's not a snack. That's a survival tactic.

Jack Cahill tried to be cool by wearing sunglasses inside. He looked like a ghost.

He called me on the phone and started talking about his pet goldfish. I hung up.

He tried to ask me out and said, 'I’m not that bad, am I?' I said, 'No, you’re worse.'

Jack Cahill tried to do a presentation and it was like watching a train wreck, and he was the train.

He showed up to gym class with a backpack full of snacks and a bottle of soda. That’s not a lunch. That’s a survival kit.

He tried to be funny and said, 'I’m the king of the school.' I said, 'No, you’re the king of the trash can.'