Jack and Rose

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When your date croaks before the night is even halfway done

My date died in the middle of the movie. Classic Jack and Rose.

She passed away right after we got pizza. I didn’t even get to see her face.

He died mid-dance. I was left with a dead body and a half-eaten slice of pizza.

When you take a dump and one turd floats like a king and the other sinks like a corpse

My poop was like a royal battle. One turd was floating like a king, the other was sinking like a dead man.

My toilet looked like a war zone. One turd was on top, the other was buried.

I took a dump and it was like a sinking ship. One turd stayed afloat, the other went down for good.

A teenager who thinks MUSE is the best band ever and talks about them like they're the love of their life

He's a MUSE-aholic. He even named his dog after the band.

She can't stop talking about MUSE. It's like they're her soulmates.

He thinks MUSE is the best band ever. He even got a tattoo of their logo.

The guy who thinks MUSE is the best band ever and is cool as hell

Jack is the coolest guy ever. He thinks MUSE is the best band in the world.

Rose is like the king of cool. She can't stop talking about MUSE.

Jack is the best guy. He's cool, he loves MUSE, and he's got a good sense of style.

When you fake interest in someone till the last second, then you ditch them to throw a fancy stone in the water

I said I was going to the lake with her, then I ditched her to throw a fancy stone.

I pretended to care about her, then I left her to throw a super expensive stone in the lake.

I told her I'd be there, then I left her to throw a fancy stone in the water.