Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

A Jew who thinks God is dead and doesn’t care enough to bring him back.

My bar mitzvah was a disaster. I blame God. He’s probably sleeping through this.

I used to pray. Now I just cuss at the sky.

I’m Jewish, but I don’t believe in God. I do believe in the power of a good curse though.

2

A Jew who says there’s no God, but still expects the world to be fair.

I don’t believe in God, but I still expect my pizza to be good.

No God? Fine. But my taxes better be right.

I don’t believe in God, but I definitely believe in the power of a good complaint.

3

A Jewish person who has given up on God, but still thinks he’s watching.

I don’t believe in God, but I know he’s watching my Instagram stories.

I don’t believe in God, but I know he’s keeping track of my sins.

I don’t believe in God, but I swear he’s grading my math test.

4

A Jew who doesn’t believe in God, but still blames him for everything.

I don’t believe in God, but I blame him for my bad grades.

I don’t believe in God, but I blame him for my bad dating life.

I don’t believe in God, but I blame him for my bad hair day.

5

A Jew who’s tired of God and doesn’t want to hear from him again.

I don’t believe in God, and I don’t want him texting me again.

I don’t believe in God, and I’ve blocked him on WhatsApp.

I don’t believe in God, and I’ve left him a voicemail telling him to stop calling.

6

A Jew who doesn’t believe in God, but still acts like he does when it’s convenient.

I don’t believe in God, but I pray for good grades.

I don’t believe in God, but I pray for my pizza to be good.

I don’t believe in God, but I pray when I’m in trouble.